Does everyone have redbox? Redbox is this little machine that vends DVD's outside of grocery stores. What you do is line up at the guy and wait for the person in front to read the description of every single movie (there are about fifty) before finally making a decision. Then they will inevitably turn around and complain to you that they want to pay cash for the movie. You will then try to explain to them that since it charges your card based on how many days you keep the movie, (it's a dollar a day) cash upfront really doesn't guarantee "You've Got Mail" will find its way back to its big red home.
Redbox also allows grocery stores like Giant Eagle to close "Iggle Video" and put 16 year-old high school kids out of a job of sitting around watching mid-nineties skateboard videos all night. I know because I was one of those kids. But times they change and kids will inevitably find other jobs where they can get high and watch the new Toy Machine video and listen to Fugazi. As Jeff Goldblum said in Jurassic Park, "Life finds a way."
9 o'clock is the cut off time for movies or else you'll be charged another dollar. It's 8:50 and we just finished up Quarantine. (Don't judge lest ye be judged) I'm across the street in a minute and waiting in line to return. There are two machines available, but both are occupied. There is no "return drop," you need to wait for a machine to open up. On the right was a father with his two sons. One was probably eight while the other was about 16. I'm guessing 16 because he was especially awkward looking. On the left was a thirteen year old in a sweatshirt and orange basketball shorts. He was leaning against the machine with one hand much like all the Chachis lean against the wall while urinating at Tiki Bar before last call. He was a little chubber and looked like he ate cookies and drank Mountain Dew for breakfast every morning. Mom must have been waiting in the car while Sonny was trying to decide between Punisher: Warzone and Role Models. There was a girl in line in front of me also; she was normal surprisingly.
So Sonny on the left makes his choice and does the side to side look while waiting for the machine to magically produce the movie. I'm not sure what it was, but I wouldn't bet on "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas." While looking off to the right, I realized that the full-on goatee he was sporting was an indication he was probably a little beyond puberty.
...And on the right Dad and the boys can't decide what movie to get. I'm growing even more annoyed as I realize Dad is wearing a dress shirt, tie, khakis and tasseled loafers. They certainly weren't coming from Church as the kids were dressed in normal Sunday play clothes. The fact that I couldn't figure out why he was wearing that type of setup on Sunday evening at 8:56pm (4 minutes to go) kind of made me upset a little. Doctor? Possibly. That's the only explanation I could come up with.
...Back to the left the machine is beeping and whirling before a red screen pops up with white lettering. The only words I could make out were "I'm sorry" followed by a jumble of other words. Sonny stares at the message before it reverts back to start screen. He turns around to the girl, (whose boyfriend just joined us in line)
"Did that say my movie was sold out?"
"No, it said you didn't take the movie, so it pulled it back in. I saw it pop out for a second but you didn't grab it."
Ok, so not only did he miss the movie, but he also apparently can't read. Now I'm the last person, well maybe not the last, to make fun of a person for not being able to read. But I'm sure he could read. I'm sure he could read because you have to be able to read to work the redbox. And it's not blind friendly either, so that's out as well.
"Try again, Man," Her boyfriend says to him like a father reassures his son while pitching him baseballs from a bucket. It could only have been better had he said, "I'm sure you'll get it this time."
So he starts over and gets his movies (success) right as Mom came out of the store to give her boys on the right "the charge" so they can get a movie. Apparently Dad forgot his card which held up the whole line.
In the end I was able to get my movies back into the little machine before 9, saving a dollar but putting my sanity on the line. I'm not a betting man and should just stick to netflix.
